On 3 August 2013 I suffered a flare up of symptoms. I was forced to withdraw from all but the essential activities in order to rest and recover. Hence no blog posts until today.
It reminded me of my positive affirmation from a previous blog post:
"live well even if you can't get well".
"Living well" for me, means to make the most of every day while learning to accept my limitations.
It is tempting to deny illness and try to carry on as if there were no problems; trying to live life as I did before I fell ill. That can only last so long before it catches up with me. I learnt the hard way the importance of pacing my activities, following doctor's orders, but most of all accepting the new circumstances and learning to live with them.
I can only "live well" once I have accepted the situation. That allows me to make the decisions that need to be made to manage my condition properly. It also allows people into my life who are able to help and support me in that.
While I was still coming to terms with my illness, the people around me could tell that something was going on, but didn't know what it was or even how to broach the subject. You can say "I'm fine" all you like and try to act as if nothing is wrong, but those who know and care about you will see through that anyway.
As soon as I accepted my situation, I was then able to confirm what people suspected. Once I accepted things, I found I was better able to cope - my energy was going into managing my condition rather than fighting the inevitable unwinnable battles of denial. When people saw that I was okay with it, it allowed them to feel okay about it and gave them permission to talk about it, and offer assistance and support.
2013 has been a very busy year. Life has thrust extra demands upon me that I had little control over and which messed up my ability to pace myself properly. Usually life has its ups and downs, like the sunrise and sunset, busy times interspersed with time to rest and catch one's breath, but 2013 has had other ideas.
So since 3 August 2013 I've been hanging on to that rollercoaster of life, white-knuckled and trying to survive it with all of its twists and turns.
At last the ride has levelled off to a relaxed pace (for the first time all year). I am now catching my breath and catching up on everything that had been postponed.
I was so upset at being unable to meet my goal of posting to Lupey Loops at least once a fortnight for a year.
I am the kind of person who does what they say they are going to do, so when I cannot meet that expectation of myself, I get very upset. The unpredictable nature of illness means that I cannot make the same commitments I used to make and I need to accept that! Coming to terms is a continual process it seems, and not a 'single destination at the end of a journey' (to use a hackneyed metaphor).
I was most upset because I didn't want to let anyone down who might be waiting on the next blog instalment. A good friend pointed out to me that it doesn't matter how frequently the posts come and that people in blogging-land understand that things happen, and it is still okay to just post as and when I am able. Tell me this is true!
If you are still here reading this, I thank you for your patience and understanding while I have been away from the blog. I hope to get back to the regular routine soon to complete the Fab Four Story and start some new stories, including more specific ideas about "living well".
Related Posts on Lupey Loops
"'Live Well' Even If You Can't 'Get Well'", 27 April 2014:
"Surviving Chronic Illness: Positive Affirmation", 16 June 2013:
"It's a Goal!", 7 January 2013: http://www.lupeyloops.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/its-goal_7.html